But not like it used to be, where I felt like I needed to [ mimes drinking from a bottle ]. Does fame feel different this time? It feels like I have a better grasp on it. A lot of the problems I had with fame I was bringing on myself. A lot of self-loathing, a lot of woe-is-me. Your past few albums were produced mainly by you and Dr. On this one you worked with several new producers. It was just time for fresh blood.
I think it was a fear of failure. Your music also seems more serious now. Every day I had a pocketful of pills, and I would just go into the studio and goof off.
When I went to Hawaii with Dre for [what became Recovery ], there was a turning point lyrically. Right now me and Dre are busy with Detox. The pills had a lot to do with it. Just wiping out brain cells. That shit wiped out five years of my life. Did you save much of your writing from that time? It fucking creeps me out. Letters all down the page — it was like my hand weighed pounds. I have all that shit in a box in my closet.
When did you first get into drugs? I was probably in my early 20s before I even kicked back my first beer.
Evidence of Hell: a Brain Surgeon's Journey into Hell - Kindle edition by Dr. Edward Gunter, Hamilton Jones, Terrence McCallahey. Download it once and read. What is Hell? Is it a place? A state of being? Is it even real? Dr. Gunter, celebrated brain surgeon and author of "Evidence of Heaven," goes the distance to find.
But the bigger the shows got, the bigger the after-parties; drugs were always around. In the beginning it was recreational. I could come off tour and be able to shut it off. It probably started to become a problem around the 8 Mile movie. We were doing 16 hours on the set, and you had a certain window where you had to sleep. One day somebody gave me an Ambien, and it knocked me the fuck out.
After four or five months, your tolerance starts building. On the Anger Management 3 tour [in ], I was fucked up every night. How bad did it get?
It was death by a thousand cuts! The best strategy of all is to leave that workplace of your own accord and find another job. Read the Stories. Well, that song is about my addiction, and my mind frame at the time. News coverage of these problems in Appalachia and New England in the late s made OxyContin notorious. But that belief, that theory, now lies broken at our feet. His Son..
I was taking them to feel normal. I just had to take a ridiculous amount. I want to say in a day I could consume anywhere from 40 to 60 Valium. And Vicodin… maybe 20, 30? I was taking a lot of shit. My everyday regimen would be, wake up in the morning and take an extra-strength Vicodin.
I could never take more than one and a half, because it tore up my stomach lining. The Ambien would put me over the top to go to sleep. Where were you getting it?
Did you have a dealer? In the beginning, there were doctors who gave me prescriptions — even after I got out of rehab. Any idea how much money you spent? A lot. Then, in , Proof was killed. Can you talk a bit about what he meant to you? Somebody to confide in, somebody who always had your back. I still have certain friends like that, but when you lose one, man… [ trails off ] It hit me pretty hard. How much do you think his death had to do with your spiral? It had a lot to do with it. I remember days I spent just taking fucking pills and crying. But I was very much in my own grief. I was so high at his funeral.
It disgusts me to say it, but I felt like it was about me. I hate myself for even thinking that. It was selfish. What was happening to you physically? I got up to between and , about 80 pounds heavier than I am now. It was sad. I got so heavy that people started to not recognize me. I remember being somewhere and overhearing these kids talking. It creeps me out sometimes to think of the person I was.
I was a terrible person. I was mean to people. I treated people around me shitty. Obviously I was hiding something. I was fucked up inside, and people with those kinds of problems tend to put up this false bravado — let me attack everyone else, so the focus is off me. But of course everybody knew. There were whispers, murmurs. If I even sniffed the scent of somebody thinking they knew what I was doing, they were out of here.
And it peaked in December of , when you were rushed to the hospital after overdosing on methadone. Can you walk me through that night? I can try. There are certain parts I have to leave out because they have to do with my kids. I went through them in a couple of days, then went back and got more. But I got a lot more.
All I remember is I was not able to get out of bed. I was standing there, trying to take a piss, and I fell. I hit the floor hard. I got back up, tried again — and boom, I fell again. They say I made it back to the bed somehow. All I remember was hitting the bathroom floor and waking up in the hospital. What happened when you woke up? They said I was about two hours from dying. So the first thing I wanted to do was call my kids. Being a father, wanting to be there with your kids. What happened next? I checked myself out — I think I had been there a week — but I went home too soon.
I remember lying on the couch, falling asleep for literally 10 minutes, and when I woke up, my knee was out of place. I had surgery a couple of days later, came home… and had a seizure. Boom, ambulance, right back to the hospital. I knew I had to change my life. But addiction is a fucking tricky thing. I think I relapsed within… three weeks?
And within a month it had ramped right back to where it was before. How did you get clean? Did you go to meetings? I tried some meetings — a couple of churches and things. It tended to not do me much good. People tried to be cool, but I got asked for autographs a couple of times. It made me shut down. Now I see him once a week. I also started running like a fucking maniac. Seventeen miles a day, every day.
Just replacing one addiction with another. I had days where I could hardly walk. Christian Bale. Which was really fucking stupid. I have a slight bit of OCD, I think. Who else do you talk to? I speak to Elton [John]. He was actually one of the first people I called when I wanted to get clean.
Look at that fucking rainbow! I fucking love leaves now, man. Are you ever tempted to use again? Honestly, no.
For one thing, I try not to be in a position where I could be tempted. I feel like this is the time in your life where you stop doing that stuff. Time to grow up. Do you remember your first rhyme? Shit, I think I do. What was that? Will you both spend eternity together in Heaven?
Of course not! Then you'd both be in Hell! Are you paying attention at all? Now I know what some of you may be thinking and that's precisely why I won't be replying to every comment. How can I, blogger-person, know with certainty who is and isn't going to Hell?
How can a mere mortal know such mysteries of divine judgment? I used the word probably in the title. If I'm wrong, I'm off the hook and your ex is going to Hell. It's a win-win. So let's not get too hung up on "me playing God" and let's just enjoy the show. You might learn something. Or not. So, of course when I say the word "Hell", a lot of images come to mind.
Let's just focus on the basic Hell for now, the one with the fire and the brimstone and the screaming and the pitchforks and the Mormons. You may edit out the fire, or imagine it's invisible so Hell can be "dark as Hell" too.
Maybe it's just really really humid, or really really smelly. Imagine that place that is just so terrible that the only thing worse is staying in that doomed-from-the-start relationship with your ex, whose very memory is preventing you from enjoying a simple blog post. So, yeah. I'm just not buying the whole Hell thing.
It just doesn't add up. Not that everything adds up in life, but this one really takes the "not adding up" cake. I can give you four good reasons why you can just rest a little easier tonight. You're probably not going to Hell because If we're going with the model that involves fire, or at least really really hot stuff like plasma, then stars create an awkward dilemma for eternal Hellfire. I personally grew up hearing that Hell was in the center of the earth. This is by no means a universally accepted location, but it emphasizes the notion that Hell is really really hot, much like the center of our planet.
But we all know that there are much hotter places than Earth's core. While our pale blue dot's center tops out at about Degrees Celsius or Degrees Fahrenheit for all you folks from 'Merica which actually matches the surface temperature of our Sun, it's snow globes compared to the solar core sporting a whopping 15,, degrees Celsius.
If you're waiting for the Fahrenheit amount, you're missing the point. So, there's no way God would choose Earth as the host for this party. He'd go big. He'd really show off how bad he wanted us to burn by putting us inside of a star. But if you think the Sun is the logical locale, think again. Stars get larger and larger. Therefore, if Hell exists anywhere in this universe, it must be in the largest star. Well, we don't know which star that would be, or where it is exactly, but we know that any of these stars are going to be hella-far away.
When your ex dies, they'd have to travel there. There's only two viable methods of interstellar space travel. Light speed wouldn't work, because the next closest stars Alpha Centauri A, B, and Proxima are still over 4 light years away. Ain't nobody got time for that! God would have to use wormholes to transport us to his abode of infinite justice.
He'd be bending space, just for us. Isn't that sweet? That sounds like an awful lot of trouble for God. Why didn't he just put us closer to Hell? He's basically deferring to his magic teleportation powers to bypass the scientific limitations the very limitations that he In Scripture, God rarely allows such wormhole teleportation.
Obviously we remember when Jesus floated up in the air and waved goodbye to the audience, saying really profound stuff before he disappeared. You think he's letting you cruise the cosmos like his own kid? And just think, even if God somehow did transport us to his flame of choice, he'd have to teleport us every time that star burned out. That's a lot of effort to punish us for keeping Playboy magazines under the mattress. Okay, so we're only on 1 and we've already concluded we're probably not headed to any Hell located in this universe.
You'd think that'd pretty much cover our bases right? Well, I didn't forget about you folks. Don't worry, because you're probably not going to that Hell either, because of Have you ever undergone a surgical procedure where anesthesia was required? In other words, were you ever unconscious while someone cut you open and tinkered around inside of you?
Luckily for you, you didn't feel a thing. Well, if you did feel anything then you're probably the proud recipient of a large medical malpractice settlement and you're too busy drinking champagne from golden chalices to remember the unpleasantness. When you die, you don't feel anything anymore.
There's no central nervous system to send those "ouch" signals to the brain. Heck, there's no brain activity when you die either. There's not a whole lot of anything going on in the "you" department after it's all over. Now obviously many of you may be worried about "spiritual fire". Your body may be gone but your soul remains, right? God is pissed and wants your soul to suffer for all that crap you did with that filthy body of yours.
Well, think about what "spiritual fire" would mean. If you are a soul and you can still feel pain, still have thoughts, still experience suffering and all the stuff that comes along with a spiritual Hell, then If your soul provides all the comforts and discomforts of a body God made the Earth for a bunch of meat-sack soul-containers to bump into each other and start wars and buy over-priced health insurance, for no reason.
If God wanted you to suffer after you die, then why make a physical you at all? Why make a physical universe at all? If the universe matters at all, it matters more than our own physical presence within it. That's right. If there's a spiritual Hell, if there's a Hell somewhere on "the other side", then that's like God giving this side a big middle finger. Now I know this is only 2 and we've put together a decent case against Hell existing in either this universe or some spiritual realm, but if I know Christians and boy do I ever , I suspect that a few are reaching for their trusty dusty Bibles right now.
I'll get mine out too. But guess what? You're still probably not going to Hell because And the smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever; they have no rest day and night, those who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name. Pretty heavy stuff, right? The smoke goes up forever. Eternal torment, right there in black and white. At the end of time, God kicks some serious human ass. But that verse It reminds me of another verse, an earlier verse.