Yes, Cornelius Walker, I am aware of that. And the consequences of that on society at large as I said are disastrous. Promoting arrangements which are inherently unstable such as polyamorous ones is ethically wrong given the effects on society and children. That is on a macro level. How can someone make a blanket statement about why someone chooses a monogamous lifestyle? What is inherently wrong about two or more people coming to a mutual agreement about what kind of relationship they want with each other?
I am NOT silent, my comments are being moderated and I cannot respond!!
And you wonder WHY I mentioned free speech! I hear a lot of personal pain coming through your messages. Moralism is often a defense mechanism to protect oneself against reminders of emotionally difficult things. My heart goes out to you. Is it possible that this is mostly your own pain and anger talking and not statements of objective reality?
Serial monogamy— the practice of claiming to be committed to one person only, only to dump them when something more interesting comes around— has been with us throughout history, and making it work for families has never been easy. All relationships are tradeoffs. You will gain something and lose something whether you choose monogamy or polyamory or celibacy. I see the honesty as a good thing. Can anyone give us references to studies ,recent reseeasch longitudinally studies of this phenomena? I took an awful long time for marriage to evolve into what it is has become though imperfect as it is.
The family is the most basic of human institutions. All others are built upon it. Though we my know and love people that lead polyamorous lives…what would it mean for a society to return to this practice en masse? Polyamory would not change this fundamental part of civilization. It seems reasonable to assume that if something is natural, normal, built into our genes, or a bedrock characteristic of an entire civilization, then it would not be so flimsy.
Relationships are screwed enough with only 2 people involved. Why in the hell would I involve more? If I want sex with multiple partners, I can get it anyway. Polyamory is about a lot more than sex. So why would you want to involve more than one?
This article seeks to reflect on this, to unpack the way in which poly and non-monogamous people redefine fidelity away from its traditional expectations. As Cornelius Walker says, apples and oranges. Some partners are intimate without having sex, and some may be sex partners without much intimacy. It may look like his issue is with the woman, but the source of his problem is his competitive stance with other men. Sabine, really? Log in Lost your password? The western society is fairly liberated and sexually permissive.
What first comes to mind to me is the incredible abundance of love and connection that comes along with it. Why stay married if you are that bored with your spouse? Just get divorced. Is that a fair characterization of your view? I keep reading that polyamory is about a lot more than sex.
Probably more. While I am well aware that there are some long lasting poly Vs, who are about family and love, years of reading tells this is very, very, VERY far from the norm.
You make polyamory sound like such a civil, bloodless arrangement, like the Treaty of Versailles…. I suspect the reality of such liaisons changes from moment to moment…. I think you are correct. The poly relationships seem to be a mere series of short term engagements built largely around sex. The generalizations being made here are breathtaking in their ill-considered oversimplification of a relationship model which many experience as rich and beneficial. The abundance of love alone is amazing. Yes, we get jealous, but we also learn how to moderate it or eliminate it entirely.
Those who do this are not some tiny segment of the community — instead there are more and more of them all the time as they learn to communicate, own their own issues and grow from the experience. Example: My husband has a new sweetheart. Your husband is proud as a peacock. How is the girlfriend? Well, it seems pretty clear to me that Deborah has a vested interest in trying to convince other people of it polyamory being the best way to do things , it being the case that her livelihood is directly related to appealing to this demographic.
This so hard. In all societies where nonmonogamy is rather common, crimes of passion and subjugation of women are also a lot more common. A monogamous culture is supposed to keep all that polyamory taboo, like all respectable Victorians do. Mmmm… no, but people with impulse control issues tend to think that the majority are the same way. Voila, less cheating.
This is a perfectly valid point to bring up, that the author may have a financial vested interest in espousing her point of view. Of course, there are WAY more people out there making a living selling books all about how to make monogamy work, charging hundreds of dollars an hour for couples counseling trying to reinforce monogamy, etc. By a parity of reasoning, those expressions should also be suspect for the same reason. One thing in particular stands out. Polyamorous marriage will never be made legal because once you allow 3 or 4 people to marry one another, what it is to stop it from escalating to 10, 15, 20 — an entire polyamorous commune?
Marriage would cease to be a legally binding sacred rite and would instead become a circus. How can you even regulate that? Polyamory essentially means anarchy. So I have to wonder, why do you need it to be legal to be binding as a sacred rite?
The Polyamory Project E-book Promotion. As promised in my last post, I am going to make the E-book free for the duration of June The Polyamory Project - Kindle edition by Jemima Willcox. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like.
That was certainly true for me when I married my husband in The legal part is more a stamp of approval — that and literally more than 1, benefits it conveys, but not to everyone. At least not yet. Ah yes, the slippery slope argument — if we make it possible for three people to be married, then we may as well make it a million. Sure, divorce would probably be much more complicated from a legal standpoint, but not impossibly so.
Divorce law would then just become more like corporate law. Polygamy still holds the norm that a marriage is between one man and one woman. It just allows a person to enter into many such unions.
Polyamory involves joining more than two people together in one union, which is a very different sort of thing. They are not entirely the same thing from a legal standpoint, but they are close. Certainly we are much farther apart as to our values. Polyamorists value egalitarianism, and their relationship model is not based on religious dogma. Religious polygamists who want plural marriage, as they refer to it, allow only polygyny, i.
Polyamorists embrace all kinds of combinations. And a small but infamous segment of religious polygynists also have significant legal challenges when they break the law by compelling young girls who are too young by law to give consent to marry nevertheless. To this I would add that we already have laws against the bad things that bad polygynists do.
We have laws against kidnapping, rape, sexual abuse of a minor, etc. Those are all good laws, irrespective of marital customs. I hate to point out the obvious, but families are not corporations and children are not capital. Western civilization has treated marriage as a legal contract since the days of Hammurabi, if not earlier. Your earlier message suggested that having multiple spouses would make marriage overly complicated from a legal standpoint.
My response was that the legal system already handles things that are just as complicated. I just find it viscerally distasteful. You are well within your rights to indulge your lusts, to engage in this lifestyle choice, and to your opinion, and similarly, I am well within my rights to mine. If you are extremely opposed to people having a dissenting opinion, perhaps it is not libertarianism you support, but rather, communism. I think monogamists should be banned from engaging in their lifestyle choice.
Monogamy is extremely rewarding, but it is also not the path of least resistance. Any person in a monogamous relationship has been tempted at some point and more often if one is attractive. How is monogamy rewarding? How is non-monogamy like morbid obesity? How is it weakness? How is it strong-arming? And more importantly, the entire framing of your flawed premise rests on the assumption that monogamy is the natural and desired state, and that non-monogamy is a violation of this state.
Baseless assertion after baseless assertion, completely devoid of explanation, intellectual or otherwise. For example, people feel love for: More than one sibling More than one child More than one parent More than one close friend More than one grandparent More than one grandchild No one is saying you can only truly feel love for one of these at a time. I can see it might be a lot of fun for younger women. Does it get lonely when you are older and no longer desirable? With no lifetime commitment, why would a man stick around?
Why not just pursue relationships with younger women? Is someone forcing you to be polyamorous? The answer is that the relationships remain just about the same. The poly community is loaded with older people of both sexes. On the other hand, I know older women who prefer to live alone and have several long-term live-away lovers. They certainly seem like they have rich lives to me.
Is monogamy a lifetime commitment? The question I ask is , would you go for an elective surgical procedure with a success rate like that? Whatever failures people have in relating long-term, adding more people to the mix is certainly not the fix for it. Swinging is NOT polyamory. Oh, I know about that study. As Cornelius Walker says, apples and oranges.
The non-monogamy I am talking about is polyamory, which is the practice of engaging in more than one romantic, committed long-term relationship with the knowledge and consent of all concerned. A 40 year old study of swingers who limit their activities to recreational sex is practically useless as it may apply to the polyamorists of today. The way polyamory and even swinging, for that matter, were practiced back in the s was indeed a disaster for many people.
Just stop. Please, hon.. Yeah yeah. So all married old men just staying with their wives because of commitment, actually they are just want to bang younger women. Men just want sex, not love, yeah yeah……. But which to choose from all the rules on offer? Or do we try something new and risk being out on our own and regarded as a freak? And what about the times when the rules we love by seem to make things worse rather than better? This book is a friendly guide through the complicated, and often contradictory, maze of romantic relationships, exploring the rules that are out there today and the advice that they give us about attraction and sex, commitment and conflict, and many other issues.
Meg Barker is a sexual and relationship therapist, researcher, and author of many books and articles on relationships and sexuality. If you would like me to come visit your event, and talk about the project, please contact me. Dennis Queen was my first participant, this interview can be viewed here. This interview is the same questions as the book, but this interview is very special as it touches on Polyamory and bereavement. More information about Dennis can be found on their blog. I got a very exciting e-mail in the last couple of days, from Kenneth R. Haslam MD. Kenneth is the founder for the collection of polyamory history for the Kinsey Institute.
The Kenneth R. Haslam Collection, developed by Dr. Haslam in order to further public and academic understanding of polyamory, contains a wealth of materials, including books, conference materials, research articles, newsletters, archives of web-based discussion groups, and more. The collection can be found here. He was also the subject of a film about his life and works. The Polyamory Project Ethical, consensual, non monogamy. Jun 19 May 23 Leave a comment.
Health issues keep her from taking a more active role in tikkun olam, repairing the world, so she writes to spread knowledge and ideas. Her fiction and non-fiction both explore different ways of living and being. Jess has 15 years in polyam relationships including dealing with legal challenges, abusive relationships, group living, LDRs, and a good bit more. View all posts by Jess Mahler. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.
Skip to content Chris N. The Black American Polyamorous Anthology Project While completing my academic article entitled Open to Love: Polyamory and the Black American which will be published in The Journal of Black Sexuality and Relationships in the winter edition I realized that theory, research and the few personal narratives I complied alone are not sufficient to display the eminence of the Black American polyamorous experience.
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